


Third Act

by undun



Series: Eventually Eventuating [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Dialogue Fic, Humour, M/M, Sexual Humour, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-24
Updated: 2012-03-24
Packaged: 2017-11-02 11:12:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/368345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undun/pseuds/undun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John thinks this is a bit one-sided. And weird. Definitely weird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Third Act

[sheets rustle] “Jesus, Jesus, fuck!” [panting]  
  
“Stop twitching, John.”  
  
[sheets rustle] “Can’t… Christ, ungh!”  
  
“Hold still or I’ll spill some!”  
  
[wheezing] “Oh, oh. That was–”  
  
“Good?”  
  
[more wheezing] “Uh, yeah. Good.” [huffing] “God.”  
  
“You’ve gone an alarming shade, John.” “I would be concerned if I didn’t know that you had a wealth of experience at this particular activity.”  
  
“Hmm.”  
  
“Are you going to sleep?’  
  
“Er, why?”  
  
“You’re in my bed.”  
  
“You invited me.”  
  
“Did you think it was a permanent invitation?” “Come any time, we’re open twenty-four seven?”  
  
[giggles] “Come any time!”  
  
“Oh, shut up.” “You’re staying here then?”  
  
“I’m not moving. I was promised something and you haven’t delivered.”  
  
“What?” “You orgasmed, what more do you want?”  
  
“Work it out, genius.” “While you do, I’ll be kipping here.”  
  
[time passes]  
  
[shuffles] “What are you doing?”  
  
“Looking at something.” [chink, scrape]  
  
“Looking at what, exactly?” [quietly] “I’m going to know the answer to this, aren’t I?”  
  
“Why are you asking then?” [twisty dial]  
  
“It’s just for form’s sake, really.” “What is it.”  
  
“That didn’t even sound like a question, John.” [more twisty dial]  
  
[sigh] [hair ruffle]  
  
“Oh, very well.” “It’s your sperm.”  
  
“Fucking knew it.”  
  
“You have a ridiculous abundance of it, John.” “Seems an awful waste of potential to just ejaculate them all over the place.”  
  
“I don’t! I choose very carefully where I ejaculate.” “Recently, more often than not, I’ve been very tidy with tissues.” [long sigh]  
  
“Meaning, I suppose, that you haven’t been ‘getting any’?”  
  
“Oh, you know damn well, Sherlock!”  
  
“I thought orgasm promoted a feeling of well-being.” “You don’t sound very happy, John.”  
  
“Hmm.” [coughs]  
  
[chair scrape] “What’s the matter?”  
  
“I’ve been wanked off and now my bodily fluid is being analysed. It’s not the  _best_  sexual encounter I’ve ever had.” “Different, I’ll grant you.”  
  
[pause] “I’ve done something wrong, haven’t I?”  
  
[head scratch] “Ye-es.”  
  
[pause] “Oh! I said that you could top. That implies that I would take a more participatory role in the act.”  
  
“Mm-hm.”  
  
“And, despite the orgasm, you’re feeling cheated because you didn’t get to penetrate me.”  
  
“We-ell, I wouldn’t have held you to it if you’d changed your mind, obviously.” “But, for me, the point is that you didn’t come.”  
  
“And, we didn’t discuss it.”  
  
“No, we didn’t. That’s… very good, Sherlock.”  
  
[flapping] “It’s not rocket science, John.” [small crash]  
  
“That was my–”  
  
“Sperm. Yes. Just flew right out of my fingers.”  
  
“Huh.”  
  
“So.” [chink, scrape]  
  
“So.”  
  
“What would you like to do now, John?” [twisty dial]  
  
“Ah, have a cup of tea, actually.”  
  
“I think that can be arranged–”  
  
“Then, fuck your hair straight.”  
  
“Oh.” [small crash]  
  
“Was that…”  
  
“Yes. More sperm. It’s good thing you have an absurd amount of it.”  
  
“So?”  
  
“What?”  
  
[clears throat] “What do you want to do?”  
  
“Um, that… actually, what you said… that sounds acceptable.”  
  
“I’ll put the kettle on.”  
  
“I’ll look for the lube.”  
  
“You have lube.” “That’s good.”  
  
“Of course I have lube. It’s a very useful item to have on hand.”  
  
[giggles]  
  
“Stop that insane giggling and get me a cup of tea.” [flounce] [door opening] [foot steps receding]  
  
[quietly] “Can’t help it. I did well not to laugh at you using a microscope in the nude, Sherlock.”  
  
[distantly] “I can  _hear_  you!”  
  
[soft sigh]  
  
~~~end


End file.
